the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
