u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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