Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
