thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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