did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
