well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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