i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
