just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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