I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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