Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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