She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
