I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
