I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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