I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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