This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
