i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
