I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
