Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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