i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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