I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I know her cup size but not her name....
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize