we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
