also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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