Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
