Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
