your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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