apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
