Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
