20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
