Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
