I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
