if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
