just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize