it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
