We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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