i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
