Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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