tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My breasts were aching with rage.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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