i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
