You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
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