I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
