Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
