Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I want a musical about memes.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
