Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
