1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
