Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize