Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
