Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
This is my gift to your gina
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
