Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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