I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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