i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
