i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
