Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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