1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
