Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
