got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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