I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
