i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
