If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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