Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
