You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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