You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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