Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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