i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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