please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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