I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
