so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
