the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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