One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I have aggressive nipples.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
