Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize