he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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