god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
