I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
