Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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