Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
